Seriously??? You weren't expecting me to come home early, and I found your st*pid nerdy f*cking toy before you could hide it. I've told you time after time I am DONE with you and your geeky toys. What kind of man plays with these sorts of toys? A real man plays with REAL trucks and uses tools. This toys box hasn't even been opened yet! Perfect time for another one of my video messages to you!

I stand there looking innocently and calm, and tell you I just wanted to leave you a video message. You know, since we don't see each other that often. My tone quickly changes, and I tell you "now I f*cking know why!" It's because you're continuing to play with your st*pid childish nerdy toys. I'll show you what your new toy looks like, since you'll never actually get to play with it. You know how I feel about these st*pid toys. I unbox your star wars ship and let you get a real good glimpse of it in my hands. You're sweating right now aren't you? You know exactly what's about to happen. Piece by piece I destroy your st*pid toy. The snapping and cr*cking of it has you crying, especially when I rip it right in half, showing you its insides. I gather the broken pieces up, because I want to play with this toy MY way. And you know what that means! I reappear with the sight you feared. Me, with MY toy box! Real tools! I start by sawing the ships pieces with my hand saw. Then I take my stapler joke about stitching it back together. Next, I use my hand blade to split the top of the ship in half. Now comes my favorite! My power drill!!! I drill several h*les in it before lifting it up and making my own cool spinning toy out of it! Far more entertaining! Your weak, childish mind never thought of establishing a PO box to have your toys delivered so I couldn't intercept them, so this is what you get! But the grand finale tops it all! I was going to take your toy out to the trash pile and b*rn it, but it's raining. Does that stop me? F*CK NO! I light your toy on fire, and the only proof you'll have that your toy was actually delivered, is the mound of melted plastic left behind! Sit back, watch it go up in flames!

Millennium Falcon Fury